Slappy Bruce

B: Ever had molé?

T: Once but my wife doesn’t know about it so shhhh. Just some meds for a week and it clears up.

B: I mean the Mexican sauce, made with chocolate.

T: Oh. Probably.

B: You know they say that if you laugh for at least 30 seconds straight every day that you won’t get cancer.

T: I hear that is good for anal warts as well.

T: tree

B: filanderer

T: sweaty fingernails

B: oats and onions

T: inverted knuckles

T: slippery mole

B: fat tangelos

T: shapoopie

B: Mime Hair

T: clown posse

B: oily flamengo

T: banana hammock

B: Midget Luge

T: May 96 stinky trolls fondle buffalo wings while scrubbing your groin area.

B: That’s a weird picture.

B: By chance are you sitting in the conservatory of an old people’s home while they all sleep with heads back and mouths open?

T: No but they are walking around with tightey whiteys slapping their foreheads and saying. “Hey i think someone many have crapped on the lawn.”

B: Wait a second, your status said you were working at Troeuika…? Everyone at Troyeka is wearing only underpants and slapping their heads?

T: Well yeah.

B: Oh. Weird. Sounds like my ceramics class at PCC

B: Yeah, I’m white.

T: Not that it’s a bad thing. It has never been bad to be white. Unless there is Mexican food reference.

B: Wait, the only Mexican food I know if is called Taco Lita. All my family loves that place.

T: Well to be more specific if Mexican food and Taco Lita are in the same sentence, we have a problem.

B: Is Taco Lita Mexican food in the same way that Olive Garden is Italian food?

T: That sounds like an S.A.T. question.

B: Hey Tom!!!!!

T: Hey my favorite white friend.

B: Favorite white friend? Wow. That is a high recognition that I have been vying for for at least half of my life. Do you also have a favorite  Slovenian friend. A favorite Mestizo Indian friend?

T: I believe you are my only white friend, which puts you right on top baby.

B: How was the puppet show?

T: Oh it was good. Bailey would have been soooo bored.

B: Was Caley bored?

T: No.

B: Were you?

T: No.

B: Were you naked?

T: Yeah.

T: Kids were like. “Mommy I can see that guy’s puppet.”

B: Do you want a cinnamon roll?

T: Is that your dog? I don’t eat dog anymore.

B: We don’t have a dog. Just a cat named Snerpas. So, you used to eat dogs?

T: Yeah. I had a Chihuahua that put up a good fight and I have been hesitant ever since.

B: Hesitant to eat chihuahuas or hesitant to fight chihuahuas?

T: Well he was such a good boy you don’t want to eat him all at once. It was the second leg that pushed him over the edge.

B: That’s sort of gruesome.

T: The fact that you can push a chihuahua over the edge?  Cause you can. Trust me.

B: I have a picture frame of crap.

T: Now is the frame made of crap? Or did you frame a picture of crap?

B: Both.

T: Or do you have a box of crap with a frame around it?

B: No it’s a frame made of dog crap with a picture of human crap.

T: Oh cool. Does it smell?

B: The picture or the frame?

T: Well, both. Have you added ass-smell to the inside of the frame for authenticity?

B: How would one go about adding “ass-smell?”

T: It involves some tongs, silly string, and a rope.