Slappy Bruce

So here is an experience with me and my step dad (i called him dad) when i
was visiting the Philippines. So 2 non Philipinos went on the 2 week trip to
the Philippines one 6 foot 2 white guy (scott) and myself, 5’11 mexican. Dad
would go on and on about all kinds of adventures he use to have like having
5 body guards while shipping lumber and tanks. Weird stuff. He has had a
pretty eventful life.

The 3 of us got into discussions about cockfighting and dad offering to take
us to one. Turns out he used to raise and fight them professionally. The
only problem was that he would always refer to the roosters as cocks. So me
being the wise-ass would always ask him cock related questions while scott
was trying not to laugh, like “Dad how did you train your cock”

You see when you pick up the cock you have to get it from behind
You have make sure you train your cock well.
There are many ways to train cocks.
I had to stop training cocks because i was allergic. I couldn’t help myself
and asked “You are allergic to cocks?

So we ended up going to a cock fight and there were many more gems that i
cannot think of right now. Some that come to mind…

Look at that cock.
Look at the color of that cock.
It is not always the size of the cock that wins the fights.
Thomas which cock do you want?
It’s the cocks that looks like females that win. Other cocks won’t fight
females.

The whole time i am holding back the snickers and scott is trying real hard
to ignore me

I usually drive without my shoes on. The less time I have my shoes on the less time they have to smell. Back in the day when my wife had a small car, I was able to put my truck in the garage.
So on my 5th week at my new job, I leave the house like any other day. My commute to work can be anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. I was one exit away from work when I got this strange feeling like I was forgetting something. My first thought was my computer and gear. I reached around my seat and nope they were there. I then looked down and thought to myself oh crap where are my shoes? There is a very interesting thought process that happens when you forget something important. My first response was to check the back seat like I magically threw them back there before getting in the car. Maybe they got pushed under the front seat. My brain would not or could not believe that I can drive all the way to work without having shoes. It is around 8am and I am scrambling on what to do. They have cheap shoes at Ralphs that are open at this time.

I still have 1 hour before I have to start work however I am still unfamiliar with Santa Monica so I call the office to see if anybody there might know where a Ralphs is or some shoe store that just happens to be open at 8am for the people who forget their shoes. I call the office and who answers the phone is the one person who never answers the phone. Of all the people who answer the phone at work you would never in a million years think that this person would pick up. It just happens to be the owner of the company. hahahahhhahahaahaha Um hi Kevin good morning. Good morning Thomas he said I a cheerful voice. Um Kevin? “I forgot my shoes” Kevin replied, “Thomas? That has to be the funniest thing I have heard on a Monday morning in my life.” I ask him if any Ralphs or Vons are open this time of the morning and he just told me to come in to see what we can do. After having to explain my story to a few other people one of my coworkers William, generously offers his shoes to me so I can be at my first client at 9am. I am at my client for 3 hours in someones shoes worried that I might sweat in them too much or stretch them out or something. Luckily this client was a few block from 3rd street Promenade so I walked there and purchased some expensive Sketchers and thanked William for the loan. This story now gets shared to all the new hires now at the company I work with. It either goes… Ask Thomas about his shoes or let me tell you a shoe story.