Slappy Bruce » Cheese http://slappybruce.com Now with Olestra Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:53:07 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 What are you doing right now? http://slappybruce.com/posts/what-are-you-doing-right-now-2/ http://slappybruce.com/posts/what-are-you-doing-right-now-2/#comments Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:53:44 +0000 Brian http://slappybruce.com/?p=255 B: What are you doing right now? Are you eating sandwiches and drinking beer in a phone booth on the corner?

T: No I am sitting naked next to a homeless person eating strained peas out of a bucket. What are you doing?

B: I’m standing in my driveway eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery with my shirt off.

T: With one of those welders melting the cheese in the other hand?

B: Yeah.

]]> http://slappybruce.com/posts/what-are-you-doing-right-now-2/feed/ 0 Cutting the Cheese http://slappybruce.com/posts/cutting-the-cheese/ http://slappybruce.com/posts/cutting-the-cheese/#comments Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:24:38 +0000 Brian http://slappybruce.com/?p=237 On Monday I received this note from the guy who runs the cafeteria:

I have a large block of mild cheddar cheese that I will cut Tuesday. I am interested in selling some of it at $2.00 per lb or $1.75 for 3 or more lbs.  Let me know if you want some of this cheese so I can cut the right sizes for those who want it.

 

A little later in the day I received this e-mail from my friend Sonya:

 

Hi Brian,
It sounds like Victor will be cutting the cheese on Tuesday. Maybe you should go investigate….possible research for your book? 

Sonya

]]> http://slappybruce.com/posts/cutting-the-cheese/feed/ 0 Cheese http://slappybruce.com/posts/cheese/ http://slappybruce.com/posts/cheese/#comments Sat, 01 Aug 2009 18:53:53 +0000 Brian http://slappybruce.com/?p=225 T: mmmmmm cheese.

B: I’m hearing homer’s voice when I read that.

T: The Greek poet?

B: Yeah.

T: Sweet. And have you translated it into English?

B: Huh?

T: Well he only speaks Greek.

B: Ah… so do I.

]]> http://slappybruce.com/posts/cheese/feed/ 0 Becoming a Super-hero http://slappybruce.com/posts/becoming-a-super-hero/ http://slappybruce.com/posts/becoming-a-super-hero/#comments Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:42:27 +0000 Brian http://www.slappybruce.com/?p=82 B: You know how Ironman and Batman were both really rich?
T: Yeah.
B: Do you think it’s necessary to be really rich in order to fight crime?
T: Yeah.
B: Rats.

T: Well unless you have natural talent.
B: Like what?
T: Like Spidey. He was poor. Both Batman and Ironman had no powers. So they had to “buy” theirs. Spidey just made a costume.
B: So, I just need a costume or a special power.
T: Yeah so start letting spiders bite you.
B: Can you think of a special power that would fit my disposition that doesn’t involve getting bitten? I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
T: You could be the guy who has cheese come out of his finger. You would be a hit at parties. “Who has crackers?” “Oooh oooh me me me!”
B: Yeah. But that doesn’t really involve fighting crime.
T: You could be the super hair guy. Where no matter what you did your hair would never move. I think you already have that power.

T: Or you don’t have to have a super power. You can go around spreading the “first pants then shoes” saying. “Don’t forget, kids. First pants then shoes.”
B: So, I’d be like Smokey the Bear, but with getting dressed, not forrest fires.
T: Remember kids, putting on your shoes first can really slow you down and get you discouraged. But you’ll cheer up if you follow this simple tune “First pants then shoes la la la la la. La la la. If you learn this you can’t lose.”

B: I really want to explore the idea of the pacifist bank robber.
T: “Gimme your money.” “No.” “Okay.”
B: I’ll just have a sit-in until you give me all your money.

B: Do you think one-sies will ever come in to style for adult men?

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