B: What if the slogan for Carl’s Junior was changed from “don’t bother me, I’m eating.” to “F You! I’m eating.”
T: awesome
T: or don’t bother me this is the most disgusting dripping burger i have ever had
T: their burgers never look like that
B: Don’t bother me, this burger is as big as a dictionary and over 6,000 calories and I need to concentrate.
T: or drip like that for that matter
B: yeah, you’re right. And, I don’t know about you, but in my opinion, I get totally turned off when they have a pretty girl chewing into some big grease-pot of a burger. Including sound effects. It’s as bad as thinking about a pretty girl farting.
T: hahahahha
T: pretty girl farting
B: hahahhahhahhahahaha
T: was it you who was telling me you want your wife to fart?
T: in front of you?
B: no, I’d prefer that she never do that.
B: Ruins it for me.
T: hahhaahha really?
B: yeah,
B: you seen idiocracy?
T: no
B: me neither
T: so if you and deb are making out and she makes a little fart it’s over for you?
B: uh, yeah probably
T: wow
T: weird
B: you wouldn’t mind?
T: well if it was an accident no
B: but if it was intentional?
T: that would be funny as all hell
B: hahahahhhaha
B: okay, I think it’s time we stop thinking about Debbi farting.
T: hahahahahahahahahhhahahaha
T: wow
T: this subject is almost as touchy as your gayness
B: hahhhhhhhhahhhhhahhahahah
B: yeah, almost
B: hahahhahhhahhhah
T: i am curious as to why girls farting is disgusting to you
T: did your mom hold you down and fart on you as a kid?
T: eat your serial or i will fart on you a gain
B: oh no… I feel another really serious discussion coming on….
B: ahhahhhahhha – no my mother didn’t do either of those. hahhhahhhah
T: how can you have a serious fart conversation. It’s an oxymoron
B: hahhahhahahhhhahahahhahhahhah
B: you said it.
T: me and some of my friends think its cute when women fart
T: cause it’s such a guy thing
B: I guess the grody thing is not girls farting, just really pretty girls, like Debbi. If they fart, it kind of ruins my perception of them. All of the sudden they are no longer perfect and gorgeous, but a little bit gross and stinky.
T: come on bri they crap like us
B: I know, I know. I just choose never ever to think about that.
T: oh wait to you pretty girls don’t poo
B: I’d prefer that they don’t with me nearby
T: it just gets taken away by the poo fairy
B: That’s why I built Debbi a special bathroom in our basement.
T: hahahahaahahha
B: It’s funny though, but I don’t think Reese pooping or farting is that gross.
T: honey honey NO NO you know what we just had for dinner. I need you to go downstairs.
B: hahahhhahha exactly
T: brenda has had some good ones and i laugh all the time
B: farts or poops?
T: it’s even funnier when they do it
T: farts
B: oh.
B: I have a feeling you are more in touch with reality than I am.
T: ah
T: in your world pretty girls do not have an anus
B: hahahahhahahahahhhh wouldn’t that be great…. no wait, they can have em, they just can’t poop or fart. LEt the ugly girls do that.
B: Try something for me. Think of the prettiest girl you can. Who is it? Angelina Jolie? Jessica Alba? Who?
T: megan fox
B: Good choice. Okay, now picture a big, stinky turd coming out of her butt.
B: how do you feel
B: now
T: well i wouldn’t want to watch it come out
T: that is gross
B: right
T: or look in the toilet after
B: exactly!
T: but as the book says “every body poops”
B: hahhahhhahha that’s why I like you tom. You accept people.
T: there is no fine print at the bottom that says *except pretty women
B: Even people who poop
B: you’re right. But their should be
T: i mean megan fox sitting on a toilet is still hawt
T: but grunting and farting and pooping on the toilet is gross
B: Okay, but what if you were right there with her, and it was really smelly!
T: but if megan fox and i were hanging out and she farted and did the cute cover her mouth thing that would be totally hot and funny
B: hahhahhahhahhah you’re a good person. I want to be more like you. If only I could get over my prettyfemalefartaphobia.
T: but why do you have to take it to that place like i would be in the room when she is dropping a load
T: i can’t even be in the room when I poo
B: ahhahhahahhhahhahhahahahahhahahhahhhahahahahaha
T: do your business behind closed doors. Turn on the fart fan and we are good
T: the only thing left outside the bathroom is cute farts
B: good rule
T: not man farts
B: It’s like the “good walls makes good neighbors” poem
T: but cute like hehe i farted
T: like a good fart fan is worth its weight in gold
B: hahhahahah yep. I think it’s cute when my kids fart.
T: just not deb
B: Fart Fan. That sounds like a good title.
B: yeah, just not Deb. Why can’t I accept people! I’m such a jerk.
T: in your many years in marriage you mean to tell me deb never farted in front of you
B: oh, sure. Of course, Lot’s of times. It’s just not my favorite thing in the world.
T: do you get all mad and start yelling at here
T: “STOP IT!!!!!”
B: no, not at all. ahhahhhhhhhah
T: YOU’RE NOT PRETTY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B: hahhahahhahhaahahahahhahah
B: yeah right
B: hahhahahhahhhah
B: i’m lol-ing
T: hahahaha
T: is amanda looking at you funny
B: Then I sit in the corner and rock and say, “Pretty girls don’t fart.” Over and over and over.
B: amanda just left for lunch
T: hahahahaha
T: constantly spraying lysol
B: hahhahhhah