Slappy Bruce

B: Hey do you think if I walk around all day excessively pigeon toed that nobody will talk to me?

T: Would you be naked?

B: Well, I’m naked now.

T: Bring out the pickles!!!!!!

B: I told Amanda about that one… she laughed for a moment. then she said, “You guys are sooooo weird.”

T: You should tell Amanda. “Psst hey Amanda. I just pooped my pants. Can you please bring me some pickles?”

T: I am talking to Amy Osbourne right now.

B: Who is that?

T: Ozzy Osbourne’s daughter.

B: You should tell her that you just pooped in your pants.

B: What are you doing right now? Are you eating sandwiches and drinking beer in a phone booth on the corner?

T: No I am sitting naked next to a homeless person eating strained peas out of a bucket. What are you doing?

B: I’m standing in my driveway eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery with my shirt off.

T: With one of those welders melting the cheese in the other hand?

B: Yeah.