I left a present on your lawn
T: Did you crap on my lawn this weekend?
B: Uh, no. Wasn’t me. But there were a few hours when Bailey was unaccounted for. Are you sure it wasn’t you?
T: Hmm. Good question. It could have been me now that I think of it. My neighbors were looking at me funny.
B: My neighbors always look at me funny when I’m walking with you.
B: Wait, is this off the record?
T: Does that mean everything we have discussed so far is ON the record?
B: Well, I always assumed…
T: Are you sure you didn’t crap on my lawn?