Slappy Bruce

B: so, what shoes are you wearing today?
T: pickle underwear and pasties
B: Weird.
T: AFK
B: AFK?
T: away from keyboard
B: good to know
T: either that or it is my hourly don’t talk to whitey break
T: don’t talk to me honky
B: Do all non white people have a break like this?
T: well since you are a close friend yes
T: we aren’t really supposed to tell you about it
B: interesting. Is it so you don’t get too infected with whiteness?
T: we prefer whitey to be kept in the dark
B: hahahha
B: How much do you and your non white friends talk about white people?
T: about every 65.5 seconds
B: Even during your Whitey break?
T: yeah
T: we just can’t speak TO you
T: doesn’t matter about you
B: ah, very good. Is there some kind of brotherhood of non white people, is that where you learned these rules?
T: that my friend is asking too much
B: ?
T: i cannot divulge all info to whitey
T: for fear of public pickling
B: yeah, I live with that fear a lot
T: or the even pubic pickling
B: Pubic?
T: oh yeah
T: nothing worse than pickled pubes
B: hahahhahhah
B: What if someone is half white – half mexican. Can they not talk to themselves once per hour?
T: well during that hour they cannot talk to themselves
T: i like your status message when it says B went idle
T: i picture you sitting there flinging pickles at your assistant

B: Are you wearing any denim?

T: Always.

B: Is it blue denim, stone washed, black, or some other unfortunate color, like pink or purple?

T: I am wearing hot pink jeans right now.

B: Okay, now, is it “jeans” as in pants, or is it a hot pink denim jacket or headband?

T : I had to lose the headband. It got too hot. But my underwear is denim, with the ball and anoose area white mesh for breathability.

B: Did you have to sew in the mesh part yourself, or can you buy those somewhere?

T: I sew them in. I like to choose the better fabric.

B: So, is it comfortable to wear jeans (as in the pants) over denim underwear?

Tom responded to this question by sending me a photo of slip-resistant grass reinforcement mesh and saying, “It’s something like this.”

B: Ay! That looks like a chain link fence. You must have a lot of caluses.

T: It makes a pretty imprint at the end of the day.

B: Kinda like a tatoo without the needles. I have a lot of caluses in that general bodily area too. But for a different reason. I’m in a Testicle Tap Dancing troupe.

T: Strange. I am in a testicle archery club.

B: Is that where  you shoot the bow with your…

T: Yeah. I’ve gotten pretty good at the bulls-eye. It takes tons of concentration to pull back then release. Like imagining Angelina Jolie then my gramma naked. Boom! Bulls-eye!

B: Shouldn’t it be called something like “Schwenus Archery.”

T: Well the balls are important.  They aim and hold the bow.

B: That’s quite a talent.

Who do you think invented underwear?

I’ve often wondered if it was a man named Pierre Underwear.

I once bet my co-worker $2.25 that underwear was invented by a man named Pierre Underwear.

Someone once told me to follow my dreams. So, this morning I had a dream that I was at work in my underwear.